we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize