that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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