His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Randomize
