the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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