woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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