he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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