No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
