I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
