Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
