so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
