I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
