I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
