I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
