You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
