He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
