He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
