you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
