Swine flu. Run for my life!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
