FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
In America we eat man semen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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