At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize