Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
