He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just threw up on my dentist
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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