the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
