i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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