I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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