Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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