i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
