Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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