I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
