I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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