I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
