Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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