I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
