This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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