I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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