Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
