omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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