I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
