Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
