I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We talked him into tasing himself.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize