Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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