Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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