I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
