we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize