Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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