you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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