dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
