Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
