My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
