Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize