I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
