Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
