The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
