sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
