3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
