$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
