theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
