Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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