I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
