were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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