i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
