at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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