thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize