I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
