you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When are your genitals available?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
