i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
