So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
