a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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