i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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