i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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