Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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