At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
