I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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