I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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