so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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