I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
