she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she told me i tasted like america
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
