i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
