and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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