I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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