Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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