similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
