i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Randomize
