Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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