its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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