You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
