I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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