I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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