Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
