I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
