are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
