At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
