Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
