Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
