I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize