wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
