last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
