why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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