Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
