Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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