But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize