I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
