But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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