Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
