i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
