i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
