only you would photoshop your dick
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
