I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
