You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
