kristin has been a bad kristin
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
