She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
