Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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