How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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