she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
